Let’s talk about miscarriages.
I see so many women looking for treatment with me after a miscarriage- and the heartbreak is real. The grief is strong and there is so much confusion around why? And, what’s wrong with my body?
Commonly, the first words that I hear from patients during their appointment with me are ‘my doctor told me it’s very common, but why didn’t I know about this? Why wasn’t I educated more?’
And that there is the reason that I would like to open this topic around miscarriage for conversation, so you may be empowered and know that you don’t have to go through this alone.
Why is paying attention to miscarriage so important?
Pregnancy loss is one of the hardest things a woman may experience, and without the proper support, it can be detrimental to the mother and father, and the entire family.
In Chinese medicine, we believe that a miscarriage can be more strenuous than giving birth, as you not only go through labour, (yes, it is still considered labour) but you also go through the terrible anguish of losing a child.
Find out more about acupuncture to support a fertility journey here.
Maybe it is you, or a loved one, that has suffered this loss?
You may have been trying to fall pregnant for months, years, or not trying at all.
Wherever you may find yourself in the process of losing a child, know that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
And wherever you have come from, wherever you are heading, miscarriage will affect everyone differently.
What happens after a miscarriage?
There are many things about losing a child that resonates with nearly everyone, and these are the feelings and processes of emotions that may occur.
Common emotions you may feel after pregnancy loss are, but not limited to:
Shock – no one expects or wishes to ever lose their child, no matter what stage of pregnancy or life.
Guilt – feelings that in some way it may have been your fault, or failure in keeping your baby safe. But please remember that it is almost never your fault and that there is generally nothing more you could have done. The most common reason for miscarriage is the development of the embryo had chromosomal abnormalities which are based on chance and nothing you could have changed.
Emptiness– Many people consider you become a mother at the time of conception when the egg and sperm become one.
Whether you share this view or not, pregnancy loss leads to an emptiness in a variety of ways. You may feel physical emptiness through the loss of a foetus, or emptiness through the loss of motherhood. But please remember, sensations of motherhood can be experienced without necessarily carrying the child to term.
Loss of control – you are not able to control conception, and you weren’t able to control miscarriage. It is normal to be feeling as though you have lost control at this time- which is perfectly ok
Jealousy – this one cuts deep.
It may be that you see a pregnant woman walk past, or that one of your friends is pregnant. You feel jealous, and that may make you feel ashamed. With all your might, you try to be happy for them. Please don’t beat yourself up, we are all on our own journey and it is a natural human emotion to feel jealous and resentful. Big deep breaths, it will get easier.
Fear – everyone faces fear, especially when it comes to conceiving again.
What if I go through this again?
What if I cannot ever hold a pregnancy?
What is wrong with me?
I work with so many women through this.
I always explain that we are doing so much to support you through this, and we always investigate the reasons why you lose a baby. If the body wasn’t ready, you wouldn’t continue a pregnancy in the first place, which leads back to the most common reason being the egg and sperm just didn’t connect and have the right genetic makeup to continue.
Loneliness – Miscarriage is a lonely time for many, as you feel the need to ‘hide’ this from your friends, family and peers.
How common is miscarriage?
I believe that due to the fact that we keep our pregnancies a secret for the first 12 weeks, the people around us generally don’t hear about the loss we may face if we suffer miscarriage early.
But have you ever really thought about why we don’t tell anyone until 12 weeks?
I know that many of you who have been trying are ecstatic and would love to share the amazing news with all of your family, friends and the people around you. So why don’t we tell everyone as soon as we get the positive pregnancy test?
This is because miscarriage is common in the first trimester. So common, in fact, that in Australia, it is estimated that one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage.(1)
But, most of us have no idea about this, and as a result, we don’t talk about it.
So now you know the facts, what next?
As Chinese medicine practitioners with a special interest in pregnancy support, we are here to help in a non-judgemental way.
Through my work with couples trying to conceive, I see the emotions around pregnancy loss in all of their colours on a daily basis.
Discover what we do to help couples through their fertility journey here.
We are here to support you so that you don’t feel hopeless so that you do feel in control, and to help calm the fear and trepidation that quite naturally may arise.
We are here to listen, to let you have a safe space to talk about your feelings and concerns (or just general anxiety). In addition, our job is to look at your health from a holistic perspective and help understand what may be getting in the way of a healthy full-term pregnancy.
We can help to coach you on getting your cycles back on track so that we have the best chances going forward, no matter what your direction.
Let us guide you through your emotions and support you to be your fertile self once again.
You are not alone, and we are here to help you.
If you would like to have a 10-minute chat with one of our Chinese medicine doctors to find out how we can help you, get in touch with one of our friendly reception staff on (03) 8394 7665.
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We provide acupuncture in pregnancy Melbourne to the North Western suburbs of Melbourne and are close to Highpoint. Qi Medicine acupuncture is minutes away from Ascot Vale, Essendon, Avondale Heights, Maribyrnong, and Brunswick West. We also service many clients with acupuncture and Chinese medicine in Travancore, Flemington, Aberfeldie, Maidstone, and we are just 10 km from Melbourne city.